Sunday, December 7, 2008

On Cheating...

Today I am allowed to cheat. 

When I started this program, Tina told me that once a week I could eat anything without attention to protein, carb, or sugar content. Initially, the idea of cheat day was more frightening than hugging a 45 pound plate while doing back extensions. To do this program I had locked into a mindset about food, squeezed my eyes shut and not allowed any visions of buttery, deep-fried, sugar-coated, sizzling savories. Did she realize what would happen if I let go of that control for one day, and then tried to get it back!?! Have you ever tried to chase after a frightened cat after it has escaped your arms?

But Tina said to do it. It was good for my mind and my body.

Okay.

I have had four cheat days since starting this journey. Before noon on the first cheat day I ate sweetrollsjalapenocheesebuscuitschipsReesescandybarscookiedoughcookiesandmorecookies...until my stomach was in turmoil. It was a free for all, and when I told Tina about it the next day, she smiled and nodded.

"That will stop happening over time." Naive woman. She seemed so confident.

I wondered if she really knew who she was dealing with. There have been times when my caloric marathons have shocked even me.

The next cheat day rolled around and I started off with two bowls of Honey Nut Cheerios. Ominous. I waited for the tidal wave of double fisted consumption to hit. But it never did. In fact, most of the day I walked past a square of good chocolate I had been saving for that day. Hours later I popped it in my mouth just because I couldn't believe I didn't want it. It tasted fine, but I was not instantly awash in the pleasure of chocolate melting in my mouth.

Today is my fourth cheat day. I started with a splash of real cream in my coffee. I fixed eggs like I do on an "on" day. Since it was a cheat day, I had toast with my them. Oddly, I am not planning my next pantry raid, and I am not currently craving chocolate. 

Weird.

This whole feeling is something of a miracle. After a lifetime of keeping me in handcuffs, food is losing its power. What a welcome and unexpected side effect. The more weeks I spend eating healthy food, the more I crave healthy food. The longer I spend away from junk, the less appealing it becomes. In addition, I just feel unwilling to sacrifice a week's worth of hard work over a box of Oreos.

I am fully expecting that as the competition approaches, when cheat days are suspended and food restrictions become more extreme, that I will be once again be pacing the cage, but today I am in a place of calm, where I am shaking my head at the power of our own minds.

1 comment:

taylo135 said...

naive woman. hahahahhaahaha. i love this one. its true. cheat days start out intense, then you find yourself actually eating semi-healthly on cheat days. funny how that works. mm. that chocolate lumpy bar wass wonderful tho if you are looking for a christmas treat.
=D